I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
