I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
