I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
