Will you blow on my dice?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
