Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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