Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
