the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
