I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
