she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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