i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
