please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
