whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
