apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
