Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
