Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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