white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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