your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
4 words: hood of his car
im six kinds of drunk right now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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