you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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