I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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