I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
