I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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