dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
