dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
