He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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