bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
