sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
