I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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