No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
