he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He passed out mid-signature
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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