it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
