Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
