thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
