where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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