so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
