i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
