he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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