I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
