if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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