once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She bit a glass in half.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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