nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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