I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
