I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The air taste purple.
Randomize
