can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
