Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
