the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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