my mouth tastes like poor choices
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
