I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
