Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
