making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
