Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wear drunk well.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
