i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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