I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A+ Viking dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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