we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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