i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
