first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
