I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize