Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize