My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
