May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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