you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
