im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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