Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
