im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
