What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
