Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
