Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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